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ANGER MANAGEMENT
Of all the mental and emotional activities in which the ego is most self-aggrandizing, anger and reactivity are its greatest nourishment. Anger supports the ego illusion by strengthening the sense of self. It would be an important step to observe well and recognize that voice within us as it is.
This is a stage of human evolution. It cannot be denied or ignored. The only way to be liberated from anger is to observe it well. Like all other egoic things, when it is well observed and you recognize it, it will gradually cease to be "ego" and will first become a "habit pattern" and then with each realization it will fade, diminish and disappear.
Nevertheless, the ego will never leave you, it will continue to accompany and develop you on your journey of evolution. Every now and then it will find a way to provoke you and provoke you. Just keep noticing and watching it... Just stay in the "moment"...
The way to overcome anger is not to fight it, but to be aware of it. Since childhood we have been taught that anger is a bad thing. So we think it is wrong to get angry. Actually, we have to find the truth about anger for ourselves. Instead of saying that anger is a bad thing, just watch your anger, see what it is like, what you are angry about, why you are angry, when you are angry. Don't push it and let it diminish and disappear on its own. Push your anger aside and ignore it.
Why do you get angry? Is it when you are wronged, when someone steals something from you? When you are used, oppressed, pushed around, hurt? Couldn't it also arise from the need to survive and protect yourself? Isn't it a natural reaction sometimes? Could it be to hide your feelings, your fears, to protect yourself or as a kind of defense method? The important thing is that it does not have a permanent effect on your personality. You should not let it take root in your personality. If it becomes your personality, it takes a lot of effort to erase it and change it. You have to let it wither and dry up on its own, without it sticking to you in the first place.
If you allow anger, which is the ego's biggest food, to grow and flourish, it spreads like a weed that takes root in every cell and becomes a big problem. If you let the anger that pops up every now and then go away on its own, you will see that it will cease to be a habit and will weaken and disappear.
However, since uncontrolled anger can affect both your health and your relationships, here are 10 tips on how to deal with it in a positive way and how to manage anger...
1- Think well before you speak.
In the heat of the moment, it is easy to say something you later regret. Take a few minutes to collect your thoughts before you say anything and let others involved in the situation do the same.
2- Express anger when you are calm.
When the mind is calm, express your frustration, sadness, worries and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.
3- Get some exercise.
Physical activity can help you reduce the stress that can cause you to get angry. If you feel your anger rising, go for a brisk walk or run or spend some time doing other fun physical activities.
4- Give time for time-outs.
Time-outs are not just for children. Give yourself short breaks on days that tend to be stressful. It can help you feel more prepared to handle what is happening.
5- Identify possible solutions.
Instead of focusing on what makes you angry, try to solve the problem at hand. Is it a coworker? Step out of the room for a coffee break. Someone you were expecting is late for an appointment? Enjoy being alone and think of it as a break. Remind yourself that anger will not solve anything and can only make things worse.
6- Don't criticize or blame, as this can only increase tension.
Be respectful and specific. For example, instead of saying, "You come late to work every day," say, "You miss the bus? That makes me very sad."
7- Don't hold grudges.
Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative emotions to take the place of positive emotions, you may find yourself swallowed up in your pain or the feeling of injustice done to you. But if you can forgive someone who has made you angry, you can both learn from the situation and strengthen your relationship.
8- Use humor to release tension.
Use humor to help you face the things that make you angry and have unrealistic expectations of how things should be? Look at the situation from a distance. Avoid sarcasm; it can only hurt feelings and make things worse.
9- Use relaxation techniques.
When your anger flares up, do deep breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene or think of a moment when you were happiest, a loved one. Also listen to music, get some fresh air, read, do whatever relaxes you.
10- Know when to seek help.
Controlling anger can sometimes be difficult for everyone. If your anger seems out of control, seek professional support and help rather than doing things you will regret or feel sad about later.
Remember.
The mind can go after emotions, weaknesses, anger, but it cannot go after peace. Peace comes and settles spontaneously in a moment when the mind is still. Once there is peace, you start seeing existence in a different way. Where there is peace, there is understanding, there is love, there is peace. Where there is peace, there can be no war, no anger.
Mukaddes Pekin Başdil
Researcher-Author