During the day, in our private and professional lives, we are intertwined with people. Young and old, children and adults, we communicate a lot. Conscious or unconscious, even obligatory communication. We communicate willingly with friends, colleagues, relatives, on the bus, on the train, in the market, on the street, in shopping, in the elevator, in the cinema, side by side but involuntarily. In addition to our personal characteristics that make us who we are, there are also cultural patterns in our communication; in our culture, we raise the index finger when calling the waiter in a restaurant, in Latin America the thumb is waved backwards as a sign of hitchhiking, in Burma the fingers are moved as if playing the piano while the palm is facing the ground. Non-verbal communication is vital in the communication process.

Bringing the index finger and thumb together means all is well in diving. Bending down to kiss the hand and place it on the forehead is a sign of respect, and shaking hands is important in the West. In the United Arab Emirates, holding hands for a long time after shaking hands is a sign of friendship. When we meet someone we don't like, we move away from them, and vice versa, we get closer.

When we walk down the street and want to ask a question, we ask a uniformed policeman, not a civilian. Those who are unfamiliar with the city ask the nearest pharmacy for a restaurant, hotel or resting place, when there are so many shops and people around.

When someone's eyes are swollen and red, we understand that he or she has been strong and is therefore sad, and we treat him or her knowing this state of mind.

When three or five friends are chatting, if you raise an eyebrow at one of them while you are talking, it reminds them of something they shouldn't be talking about and changes the course of the conversation. When ordering tea, it is enough to make a stirring gesture to the waiter from a distance.

When describing a favorite toy, the child's gesturing with his/her hands to indicate the size of the toy by saying "this is it" reinforces that he/she loves the toy very much. Or when a mother laughs at a child who has done something very harmful or bad, while getting angry with the child's words, it makes the words worthless. As I said in my last article (Speaking without speaking), the most important factor in communication is body language with 55% and only 7% words.

Although gestures, which are indispensable for non-verbal communication, vary according to culture, age, gender and environment, we have to know the instinctive ones in order to facilitate our business and private lives. The most meaningful gesture is the "open palm". "Open palm" means "honesty", "surrender", "loyalty" all over the world. This is why witnesses are sworn in court with their palms up. This is why politicians address the public with their hands in the air, palms up. However, those who cannot find a place to put their hands, hide them behind their backs, put them in their pockets, are signaling that they are not open or that they are lying in their speeches at that moment. If "palms up", as beggars do, it is not a threat, but "a kind of request". "Palm down" creates a sense of pressure and authority, a kind of command. "Palm closed, index finger extended forward" creates a sense of threat.

While shaking hands is used in our culture to greet, end negotiations, meet and agree, it indicates different attitudes and can be understood in many different ways. The palm-down handshake is a gesture of "dominance" and is perceived as an element of pressure. In this case, the other person's hand is necessarily facing upwards and is passive, under pressure. If the palm is turned slightly upwards, it is "abstaining". The most beautiful and proper handshake is when "both palms are vertical" and is a sign of "equality". There is also the so-called "glove" or "politician's handshake", which creates a feeling of trust in the other person. When it is squeezed too much, it leaves the effect of "violence", while "holding the fingertip" shows reluctance or lack of self-confidence in shaking hands, and can also mean keeping the other person at a distance that makes them feel comfortable. "Tense arm extension" when shaking hands expresses aggression.

Hand gestures, posture and position of the hands, arms and legs are left for our next article, I would like to explain them if you like. However, although body language carries genetic and innate characteristics, it is in our hands to improve it. Body language is one of the first and most important ways of expressing ourselves in our communication with other people, and one of the first and most important ways of influencing, controlling, making sense of and directing other people's behavior and thoughts. So gestures and hand gestures should not be dismissed out of hand.

Mukaddes Pekin Başdil

Researcher-Author

Source: Denizli Haber